Find Myself

I wrote it once,

And I will write it again

Because all that is there to say

Is my thoughts and feelings

And it all revolve around the same thing

All that am doing is trying to say it In a different way

Maybe one day I found out what I want to say

After reading them all and write one thousand words

Or maybe even a million… or more…

I would understand and know what I wanted to say

I wish life was easier I wish one word could explain it all

I wish there was a book to make us learn how to live

How to walk alone and depend on yourself,

How to find the courage and strength to do what u want and believe in…

I wish I could do what’s good instead of doing what’s bad because it’s easier,

I wish I find my own way one day…

I wish I achieve what I want to achieve and stop running and hide because it’s hard,

I wish I stop living in fantasy world,

I wish I could stop living in this fake world,

I wish I could find the truth and myself even if it’s hard…

Knowing that it’s hard and it’s just a wish my heart made

It’s like a dream that will never come true it really hurts…

I don’t know how to end it or what to say,

But I think I’m giving up…

I wish it was different… I wish I have what it takes to do what I really want… but the truth I don’t have it…

So all I can do is stand where I am waiting…

Waiting for what I don’t even know….

But all I know that am living every day in fear and pain…

Hopeless… wishing for a far away star… wishing if I reach my hand I could hold it…

Yours: AmyBadr

8:44 PM

25-07-2015

I Want A Place Where I Can Fly...

Where ever I go whatever I say

Whatever I do

Will anything change?

Losing hope…

Not knowing what to say or what to do

Don’t know if it’s right or wrong

Don’t understand what’s the meaning lying behind the words

Don’t know if I can live and act like I know everything

Don’t know how to live in this world

What should I do?

What should I not do?

Where to run

Where to hide

When to stop

How to fall

How to get up after the fall

How to climb this mountain

How to conquer this wall to go forward

Where to go from where I stand

Should I just remain where I am?

Can I do it?

Can I do what I want?

Can I remain the same no matter what?

Where should I go?

I want a place where I feel free

I want a place where I can fly

Where I can say the truth and not get hurt with it

Where I be me not someone else

Where I can accept myself and live free

Away from all the constraints…

Can I do that?

Can I just stay away from life and its complications?

Yours: AmyBadr

1:18 AM

29-7-2014

A Mystery…!

A mystery…!

What have I told u about it…?

It’s all a mystery…

Walking on this path what pain us the most is also a mystery…

Words I keep deep inside is also a mystery

Believing in life and walking along the path that u are given,

Even though it’s a road u hates…

That because in our life we never learned how to choose or do what we love,

We learned to do things to make us survive…

U never learn what u should do when u are lost

That’s all a mystery…

Our life is a mystery for us

No one know how it will turn out

We just go along the road that’s given to us

Yes we act and choose whether to do that or no

Yes we have the choice but we never know what’s behind it

We just go along and wait for the consequence

I…?! What have I done that’s so right…?!

I always keep asking myself that… but I found that I have done nothing

And that pain me…

Why am living my life the way I do…?! I could never know or understand…

A mystery u tells me…!

Why…?!

I even don’t understand myself so how am going to live…?!

All my questions I think I have there answer but what am going to do with them it’s also a mystery to me…

Maybe I’ll act as I don’t know…

Maybe I’ll stay where I am and don’t do anything…

Maybe I’ll get angry and cry but tomorrow I will act as I’ve forgot and that nothing happened…

Maybe I’ll run and hide…

I have all choices but I never learned what to do when am desperate…

I never learned what to do when I feel lost…

I never learned what to do when am confused…

So no matter what I choose I should learn from it…

But why I don’t learn?! Why I always choose the path.. Even though I know it hurts…?!

It’s all a mystery to me…

I’ll never know I think…

As I said before what if we changed the world but people remained the same will it make a different…?! Because I don’t think so…

Yours: AmyBadr

10:32 PM

3-7-2013

If The Idea Still in My Mind..?!

If the idea still in my mind..?!

Does that mean that I still have hope...?!

Does that mean if I never give up I can achieve whatever I want…?!

If it’s like that am really grateful to be given this chance

For the people who make me know that I still have a chance…

For the people who walk me up every time I give up…

And tell me to move on and don’t give up

I know habits doesn’t change over one night

And I won’t say I will do or I will change

I won’t lie and say I will try

I will say I know what I want but I don’t know what am going to do

I hope I walk forward to achieve it

And I will always wait for myself till I take one step forward

And like they say the first step is the hardest

Once u began everything will be easier

I don’t know after finishing writing this what I will do

Or even if I will change…

But I hope the day will come when I proudly write here that I have accomplished what I always wanted…

So please give me the chance…

So please encourage me…

So please when am sad and about to give up

Hold my hand and tell me it’s gone be alright

And that I can do whatever I wanted if I just believed in myself

I don’t want to have anymore regrets

I already have many that I can’t count

Don’t make me regret all my life

Make me walk up when am sleep…

Make me do what’s right because that what I really want…

Tell me everyday who am I…?!

Make me remember myself and what I want and my dreams…

Make me go forward…

I won’t say what I won’t do…?!

I will tell u it’s a wish for me to do first and u tell me I have done it

When I walk up tomorrow I wish I remember what I’ve said…

And do something about it…

Yours: AmyBadr

5:17 PM

22-6-2013

A Wish to Find Myself...

Trying to understand the things that happen around us

Others u just want to be left alone and don’t think about anything

You have a headache and things around u seem to be so confusing

Want to do something for change something new…

But can’t seem to find yourself in anything around u

Feeling incomplete always like something is missing…

Trying to understand really doesn’t work…

I have done my best to know myself and what I want

But I can never understand it or seem to find it

Acting like I know

Talking to people saying things I regret

Saying things I don’t mean acting like I mean it all

And that I know what am talking about but it’s not the truth

Some of us can’t even handle the truth… I think am one of them…

We think we know everything about ourselves but with time passing by we discover new things that we didn’t even realize that it exists

I always seem to be lost so I run… I never face the truth

I just run but when I have to face it I do the first thing comes to my mind without even thinking so I can run again…

Am always afraid... afraid of what will happen next…

Afraid no one loves me

Afraid of losing people I care about

Afraid of doing embarrassing things

Afraid of talking and saying something wrong

Afraid of everything around me…

Even afraid from my actions and where it will carry me…

So I decided to act carelessly so I won’t show my fears and to forget about them

But I realize that while I was doing this I have changed to a person I don’t know or like

I have become so empty that I feel it’s better to stay alone

I find peace while am alone,

Yeah I feel lonely and pain and miss my friends

But am not afraid of doing anything when am alone

Because I won’t hurt anyone or do something stupid or say something stupid to someone… so as u can see it’s me running away from facing anything in my life…

Yours: AmyBadr

10:00 PM

11-6-2013