Dark

Regret... What..?!

Because I have so many Regrets that I Can't counts...

That I have forgotten what these Regrets are..?!

I Forget what it's like to be afraid to feel regret,

That I don't care,

That the word has lost it’s meaning to me…

So u now ask me don't u regret..?!

My answer will be always regretting what...?!

I feel pain while am answering that because inside me I know that I have lost a lot of things and one of them I've lost my Sense and Mind that I feel empty when I stay in silence looking away…

You ask me what I was thinking of I tell u nothing because it's the truth am empty inside that I have no thoughts…

and when I think this is the words that come out, the words am writing now so I always write my thoughts because if I don't write it I won't have a memory of it...

I am so empty that I forget every little details about myself what I ate, what I wear, everything…

That I feel lost and pain because my life has come to this extent,

Has become so empty that I feel all the days are alike so there's no use to remember anything even the important thing I forgot Because of how I have become that I can't distinguish what to keep or what to do...?!
Yours: AmyBadr

3:30 PM.

8-4-2012

I've never Given you Up

I've never Given u Up

I just Hidden it
I'll never Give u up
Because u was never mine to began with
I thought that if I loved u enough u will be mine
But I was wrong
Cause u r not even here
I left my heart with u
I'm trying to get hold of it but I can't
Am sorry that I can't say it out loud because I was afraid
But after u left am now regretting it
That I have never shared my true feeling with u
But I will never ever could give u up without even fighting if I knew I will lose u
I would have done anything but I never thought that will happen
So forgive the foolish me
And I want u to know that I will wait till the time Come
That u find Happiness then I will let Go
I will go on my own road
But I will never ever give u up
I will just Hide it
Yours: AmyBadr

1:09 AM.

20-10-2012

From Taiwanese Drama “Love Buffet”:

This pair of Hands were Holding something
But the moment I held it tightly, it vanished
If my ears have heard the answer before

Why can't I say the Words?
If the sky really wanted to share its cheeriness
Why does it seem like it has nothing to do with me, even as I look at it?
Like a star, thinking that it has conquered the darkness
Like the wind, thinking that you're standing in the clouds
Like forgetting to blow out the candles after you've made a wish
Thinking that the dream isn't over yet
Eyes Clearly wants to smile
But at the blink of the eye, sweat came out
What exactly do these two hands hold?
Once held tightly, it vanishes
If ears have heard the answer before
Why can't the mouth say it out? (All I can do is... I can only silently wait for time to pass and wait for them to make their own decision)
If the sky really wanted to share its cheerful blue
Why does it seem like it has nothing to do with me, even as I look at it?
Like a star, thinking that the darkness has been beaten
Like the wind thinking you're in the clouds
Just like all the hope we have between us maybe they're all mistakes
Like a star, thinking that the darkness has been beaten
Like the wind, thinking that you're in the clouds
Like forgetting to blow out the candles after you've made a wish
Thinking the dream isn't over yet
Maybe the sun has never meant to be generous
Maybe the rain was only there for itself
Just like all the regret we have between us
Maybe they're all mistakes

(After Losing the brightness of the sun and moon, will the stars stop shining as well?!
"Future" will ultimately become the "Present". Although am afraid I must move forward and enthusiastically become independent, breaking away from the chains of love, in order to let this hard time become the "Past".)

Angry with myself...

I didn’t think it will be like this

I didn’t think that the road to where I want to go isn’t there for me

I can’t seem to find it

Do u know it’s painful

This pain never goes

It follows me like my own shadow

Even though I think I have forgotten about it

It comes to me strangely like it’s telling me that I can’t forget it

And I know that it won’t go away until I found my way…

But I can’t… I really can’t

I have given up...

Why don’t u stop hunting me?!

Will I ever find something in return that can make all this go away

Where I can find myself which I have lost

Losing hope is painful

I lost it several time but am always fighting for it

Fighting inside myself

Fighting with my thoughts

Even I don’t do anything to change…

Inside am in a deep fight that can never end

Pain and shame and a lot of feeling inside crying out loud

Want to come out but am holding it

Sometimes it comes in the wrong way which hurt me more

Because anger sometimes come in ways that make u do wrong things

I’m this person whose weak when am angry

I say am weak because my anger win over me and make me do things without thinking

I can’t control it…

I wish with time I learn how to control it…

Deep inside am angry from myself, from the world… from everything that made me who I am today…

Deep inside the thing am most angry with is myself…

I hate myself because it’s the reason for who I have become now

At the end No one is to blame except me…

Yours: AmyBadr

11:12 PM

8-5-2012

A Lie

A Lie is something that I don’t want to Believe

But while walking along the road I choose to believe in the lie than believing the truth

I don’t understand why sometimes we choose to walk in different roads that are away from our believes…!!!

I don’t know what’s waiting for me but I wish if I walk this road I find myself in it

I wish I won’t be more lost that I go far away from the target I want

Every one of us has their own dreams

But when they suddenly find out that this dreams has disappeared because of reality

Because reality make u walk up even if u didn’t want to

It makes u forget about your dream and go the other direction

And some of us resist these circumstances and try hard to achieve their dream

I wish I was one of those… but I think I gave up…

And decided to live each day and wait for what will happen and accept it

I choose to walk as where the flow will carry me…

Even if I find the road I once wanted I think now I won’t walk on it

I will just take a look from far away… and say maybe it wasn’t our destiny to meet…

A tear fall as my thoughts keeps on going and I ask myself did I try my best?!

And I know the answer to this question hurt me more… because I know that I have given up before even started…

But I kept lying to myself so I won’t get hurt and said I will try I won’t give up

But that all was just a talk that I believed for a little while but I found out that I ended up hurting myself more…

Do u know what’s the worst lie to me it’s lying to myself and believe my own lies and keep saying it to everyone around me because I believed it so much… that I didn’t realize that am living in a lie I have made until it was so late to walk up…

Now that I have walked up I don’t know what should I do…?!

So here I am writing in my own diary wishing I can find an answer…

And waiting for something new that will carry me away from all this…

Waiting for something I could give my everything and try my best in it…

Yours: AmyBadr

6:10 PM

3-5-2013

ANNE HATHAWAY - I Dreamed A Dream (Les Miserables)

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting

There was a time
Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung
No wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we'll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed

Madilyn Bailey - Titanium / OR: DAVID GUETTA feat. Sia - Titanium

I Love the Two Version But I Like the one by Madilyn Bailey More :D

You shout it out,

But I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium

Cut me down
But it's you who'll have further to fall
Ghost town and haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I'm talking loud not saying much

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium

Stone-hard, machine gun
Firing at the ones who run
Stone-hard as bulletproof glass

NICKELBACK LYRICS - "If Everyone Cared"

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
(I'm alive)

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died
When nobody died...

EMELI SANDÉ LYRICS - My Kind Of Love

I can't buy your love, don't even wanna try.
Sometimes the truth won't make you happy, so I'm not gonna lie.
But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you.

I know i'm far from perfect, nothin' like your entourage
I can't grant you any wishes, I won't promise you the stars.

But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you.

Cause when you've given up.
When no matter what you do it's never good enough.
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough,
Thats when you feel my kind of love.

And when you're crying out.
When you fall and then can't pick, you're heavy on the ground
When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around.
That's when you feel my kind of love.

You won't see me at the parties, I guess I'm just no fun.
I won't be turning up the radio singing, "Baby You're The One".
But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you.

I know sometimes I get angry, and I say what i don't mean.
I know I keep my heart protected, far away from my sleeve.
But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you.

Cause when you've given up.
When no matter what you do it's never good enough.
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough,
Thats when you feel my kind of love.

And when you're crying out.
When you fall and then can't pick, you're heavy on the ground
When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around.
That's when you feel my kind of love.

Cause when you've given up.
When no matter what you do it's never good enough.
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough,
Thats when you feel my kind of love.

Big Baby Driver - A Stranger

[Korea Drama] 7th Level Civil Servant OST

You and your eyes
Bright as the stars

We're in the sky
separated by the stars
like strangers
You and your heart
Alone among the stars
We're in the sea
separated by the waves
like strangers
When you meet the one
Remember the days before
All you see all you hear
is the picture of the world
When you hear the song in your head
When you see the smile on her face
All you have to realize
No one was born together
When you hold the moon in your hand
And see the light again on her face
Remember the days
Everyone was a stranger
All you have to realize
You don't need to be a stranger